I knew it would be a change to go from a large company, where I oversaw a team of six, to a startup with an annual operating budget that’s only slightly higher than the average budget for a junior high presentation of My Fair Lady. But it really has been a learning experience. By the end of my long tenure at my last company, I was ordering my employees to go out and get haircuts on my behalf. Now? I have to do everything myself.
ME: We’re launching our new site in two weeks! We need to record videos of our high-tech widget!
THEY: Great. What’s your plan?
ME: I know several vendors who can do the job!
THEY: Do they work for free?
ME: ....no.
(THEY drop a video recording and editing software package on my desk.)
THEY: Congratulations, Spielberg.
(LATER)
ME: The videos are done! Now we need voice talent to record the audio tracks!
THEY: Great. What’s your plan?
ME: I’ll hire Kate Beckinsale! She has the sultry, sensuous style that’s needed to truly differentiate our high-tech widget in the marketplace.
THEY: And how much does Kate Beckinsale cost?
ME: I think I can negotiate her down to two mil. Actually, I hear she’ll do it for one mil if you don’t force her to wear her leather jumpsuit from the Underworld movies during the recording.
THEY: Given that our budget for voice talent is zero, we advise you to start doing diaphragm exercises.
ME: Me? Do the voice work? I’m not a professional voice artist.
THEY: Just do your normal speaking voice.
ME: But my normal speaking voice is a falsetto that intermittently breaks out into the chorus of “No You Girls” by Franz Ferdinand.
THEY: Perfect! Just be sure to enunciate.
This is going to take some getting used to.
